I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
