you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
