Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
