That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
