we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
