I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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