I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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