just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
