i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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