you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize