So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
