Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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