yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
