wanna go halves on a baby?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dear god my vagina.
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