my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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