But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
