I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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