If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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