I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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