I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
