mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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