At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
