she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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