drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
