I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
