just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
