you're like a bully in the Christmas story
People in love make me want to vomit
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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