she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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