i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
