It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
