My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
