im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize