He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
