I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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