Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
