I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You pole danced in your parka.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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