Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
