Already got asked if we're dating
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
