i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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