Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
