My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize