I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
