Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
