Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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