Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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