I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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