He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
