I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
