do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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