You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize