i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
