Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
