I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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