it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
