"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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