My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
