I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
