Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
