I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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