You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
