last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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