Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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