And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
