I have demons in me.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
