I'm sorry my penis didn't work
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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