Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
