you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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