I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
