Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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