dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
