ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
