the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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