woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
