I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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