jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So vagazzling was a success
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
