he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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