Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
