We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
