All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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