I'm gonna have a badass scar
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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