sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
