You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
