btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
