Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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