Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Come see our sink grown plant.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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