you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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