Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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