I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
