my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Small penises have feelings too.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
