I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
