just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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