dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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