a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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